AEW Fight Forever is a video game I’ll probably never play. That’s no slight on the game, I just don’t play anything beyond Pokémon, Dragon Age, and Disco Elysium – I’m older now, and my interests have shaken out in such a way that meticulously nudging sliders left and right until I’ve entered “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner into the shiny, happy world of AEW, finally rotated on its axis just enough to see the Big Dipper, isn’t as appealing as it used to be.
That said, I am aware of the game’s Stadium Stampede mode, which I hope those of you who play the game are enjoying, thanks to a video tweeted by AEW Games, which contained a scathing promo about the Blackpool Combat Club by Eddie Kingston, who also isn’t playing the game and also hopes that those of you who are will enjoy Stadium Stampede mode. If you are the sort of person enjoying Fight Forever, you can do one of the greatest things video games have yet made possible: you can make Eddie Kingston ride a horse.
Summary
It’s Eddie Kingston on a horse. In video game form, but you know, still!
Pros
- It’s Eddie Kingston riding a horse.
- You know who else rode a horse? Terry fucking Funk.
- The noble horse enters the pantheon of Great Wrestling Game Vehicles that Colette Remembers, which includes a forklift, the DX Express, every car from WWE Crush Hour, and Darby Allin’s skateboard.
Cons
- Horses are extremely fragile creatures, and I don’t think their legs could destroy the stadium seating at TIAA Bank Field, let alone withstand the trauma of running through them. Be nice to your video game horse. I’m sure that’s a central tenant of Red Dead Redemption, all the Zelda games with horses, and, uh, other video games where you can ride a majestic steed across plains and wastelands.
- You can’t tend to your horse. No oats, no brushing, no pulling back on the reins and saying “woah, boy” with a little pat on the head after a hard day’s ride. AEW Fight Forever wants you to think of the horse as an instrument of violence. They are gentle creatures. They’ve got soul, but they are not soldiers.
- I’m assuming CAW mode sucks and you can’t make The Masked Horse. I assume there’d be a million Masked Horse CAWs if you could make him. I assume I’d own the game if I could download someone’s Masked Horse CAW. I’d probably have him ride a horse in Stadium Stampede mode. I’d reunite him with the horses who abandoned him as a child. Can you do that in AEW Fight Forever? CAN YOU?